Friday, July 26, 2013

I can really relate to Tearing Away by Drowning Pooling

My interpretation is that it's about depersonalization and getting to the point that you just can't care anymore. My anxiety has been so bad over the past weeks it just resorted to depersonalization.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Sunday, July 14, 2013

OCS quiz meme

1: Hi! What's your real name and nickname?
Murphi: Just Murphi! 

2: What's your gender?
Murphi: Female... Girl.

3: Interesting... what's your current age?
Murphi: 14

4: Uh huh. What's your favorite food?
Murphi: Steak! Or french fries!

5: And your favorite drink?
Murphi: Soda! Like, cola, or, root beer.

6: Confession time! Who's your crush/lover?
Murphi: Dimi heheh

7: Aww! Have you two kissed yet?
Murphi: heh not saying~

8: Classic question! What's your favorite color?
Murphi: Red! Why else would I dye my hair red? 

9: Who's your favorite author?
Murphi: Psydeunymous Bosch or Jeanne DuPrau

10: Now what's your biggest fear?
Murphi: being trapped on a roller coaster that has a loop! 

11: *stifles a giggle* I'm not laughing *bursts out laughing* Sorry. Have an embarrassing experience in your past?
Murphi: when my pet goat ate the back of my skirt and everyone saw my panties Q.Q I always wear an overskirt now

12: Any Siblings?
Murphi: Nope!

13: Almost, it's only twenty questions. Who's your hero?
Murphi: Dimi~

14: Okay, who is your worst enemy?
Murphi: I don't have any enemies

15: What would you do if your hero and your worst enemy got together?
Murphi: I'd explode. If I had a worst enemy.

16: Interesting... what would you do if you met your creator?
Murphi: I'd slap her for providing me with this horrid voice!

17: Okay, I'll contact them right now. Done! Now, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Murphi: A singer or dancer

18: What's your worst nightmare?
Murphi: Not having any nightmares! I love fear! Except if it involves me being upside down or falling
19: What's your lifelong dream?
Murphi: To be a singer!

20: What would you do if your lifelong dream came true?
Murphi: Uh.... Sing...?

21: Okay, where's your favorite place to relax?
Murphi: The corner of my room :iconmingplz:
22: Favorite music?
Murphi: Rock! 

23: Do you have any friends?
Murphi: ...Dimi... That's it. Wah.

24: Last question! What do you spend most of your time doing?

Murphi: Singing!

Sunday, June 23, 2013


I'm in partial hospitilazition.
Which means, from 1-7:30 on weekdays, I am 'hospitalized' (I should be in full hospitalization since, pfft, sneaky ol' me ain't contracting for safety ahahha. I seriously need help -.-)
It's for my anxiety and depression
I am tired all the time too so I kind of have less time to make covers nuhhhh
Well I'm not gonna put a bunch of details here buuut you can ask me about anything X3

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Moses of the Highway

I am like the Moses of the highway (the highway in my town is surrounded by buildings and stuff).
2 days after being released from the hospital, I decided to leave my house and meet up with my friend. I got to the part where I have to cross, and my friend was at the other side. I kept waiting for the walking man to light up, but I was being impatient. So, while the light was green, I just walked into the highway and held my hand up and moved my arm back and forth. Everyone stopped.
Sorry drivers.
/annoying pedestrian.


I am very tired because of my medicine. I feel inattentive. So, I'm in my room. While family is in the dining room. There's like 5 people visiting which is a lot for me so I'm hiding in my room. I did get Easter baskets though. I love me some chocolate. Happy Easter y'all.

Sorry! Game Gone Wrong

Hey all!
I'm at home, and I guess this post is a bit overdue, but, who will notice?
I'm finally back from the hospital!
The psychiatric unit - to be specific.
I am a depressed person, I hate large crowds and I'm prone to panic attacks. But since I became suicidal, my psychiatrist said I have to go to the hospital (the first time I stepped foot into that mental health clinic I had a feeling I would be getting sent to the hospital), so my 2nd appoint was only about 10 minutes. My mom rushed me to the ER. This happened last Thursday. I got to the ER around 4... I stayed in the 'observation room' for 6 hours. This is what the observation room looks like (yay, actual picture). The pile on the couch is made of towel-like blankets. Because some people can be stuck in that room for up to 2 days.When I was in that room, they took my blood/vitals, asked me questions, etc. And only one other person would be able to be in the room with me. So, my mom had to switch out with my dad and my dad had to switch with my grandma and my grandma had to switch with my grandpa and so on. They even gave me dinner while I was in the room - chicken with a bunch of other sides. Like chicken soup. The chicken soup was just broth. Why. The chicken was good though. I liked when my mom was in the room the best because I got to play with her Kindle, heheh.
Finally, at 11 PM, I was allowed up to the unit. Why it took so long, I do not know. I was fine that night, I took my medicine and everything. I went to sleep fine.
That first day, though.
Oh my god that first day.
Let me say this first: It's very hard for me to say what happened on what day because the days were so long and cyclic.
I remember the first day though.
I ate breakfast, thinking it wasn't so bad. Some kid was singing "I wanna go home" and I was eating a kaiser roll. it wasn't bad.
And then school.
There's school there for 3 hours to make up for the school days they miss.
I remember them playing the most boring movie EVER (but that was it. No learning from some tutor).
It was about like woman's baseball team or something.
We were watching it in the lounge - the place where everyone spent 90% of their time
It drove me insane.
I sat at the the chair farthest from everyone, my legs against my chest and I tried turning myself into a ball or something. I was crying and trying to sleep because my medicine makes me tired.
My first 3 days were rough. But the most memorable moment from it is the Sorry! game that gone wrong.
In the group of kids (me + 7 other people), there was one that was very very outspoken. He had been in the hospital and because of that he was fed up with the staff and just wanted to go home. Anyway, on the schedule it said "Free-Time". There had actually been a change of plans and it was changed to "Quiet Hour" (staying in your room while there's some meeting in the lounge) without prior notice. So me, him, and 2 other people were playing Sorry! which we played a lot, it was very fun. Anyway, the nurse walks in and tells us it's quiet hour. The kid gets mad. He says it's Free-Time, and we should have the right to be in the lounge. The nurse says no. So he picks up the board game and tells all of us to go to the end of the hall. We do, we start playing the game, not bothering anyone. Then we overhear the nurses talking about security. One of the girls is like "omg they're calling security" and the dude was like "just chill". Eventually, this scary looking guido guy walks up to us and start yelling at everyone to get in their rooms. He then yells at the outspoken kid to stay, he wants to talk to him. I don't go to my room. I stay there frozen, crying and having a panic attack. Each time he said "go to your room!" He'd get angrier and angrier, and I just stood there. I eventually went to the front desk to get an Ativan to calm me down.
On Monday, 3 people left. This included the outspoken dude and the girl who arrived the same day as me.
I liked that so many people left. Because it was only me and 3 other people.
I was calm and used to the hospital by then. I played Mario Kart Wii with another patient, and we also played lots of games. 2 new girls came, and I talked to them too even though I'm usually a hateful person. It was strange, before the hospital I was a bottle of hate, depression, anxiety, and antisocialness. But at the hospital I was talking, laughing, with new people. I hugged the nice nurse who called me and another patient her 'baby-girls'. I was so happy that one of the kids there compared me to 'Bubbles' from The Power-Puff Girls. To cut this story short, I left on Thursday.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Too lazy to be doing MMD

I want PV suggestions.
I want to make a PV.
I don't have motivation.
Or an idea.
I'll do anything.
Unless it's too confusing
Like I tried doing Hyperventilation Dance, but I didn't know what to make it as.
You know, I didn't know what to make the 'scenes' like.
I want to do "Vermillon" (by Slipknot) but if I do my idea it would be ALOT OF WORK.
Like, I'd have a seizure from the stress.
And my medication makes me tired ALL DAY so I'm not awake enough to do anything.
Yup kids, that's what mental medication does.
It makes you too tired to be depressed or have anxiety attacks.
And too tired to focus on MMD :|
But UTAU.... I can do UTAU alllll day.
I know I keep pressing the 'Enter' button
But I've typed like this for years (not all the time).
So yeah.

Newest video:

Friday, March 8, 2013

Wiki page

I created a wiki page for Murphi, the only thing about it is the personality info isn't exactly 100%, her personality that I planned for her won't really be noticeable until Voice's voicebank is completed (which might not be until... I don't even know...). And her personality is hard to describe... So... Yeah...
She is typically cold and moody, tsundere-like, but she often feels guilty for being so mean and cold so she tries being a sweet girl, but she can only act sweet until she's annoyed.
orz I'm tired of always editing the wiki page, so it's staying the way it is now. It's not like anyone would see it anyway.

I need to get to work on these covers orz

I've been planning to use Sekka Yufu, Yurika Sai, and Yurika Sayu more...
But it takes me forever to make a cover with them, because I usually have to edit the UST (like romaji to hiragana or CV to VCV), and my arm hurts after a while. And I don't know why, but my chest feels tight after a while of editing the UST. Weird. 

Anyway, I have been working on:
  • World's End Dancehall (Yufu + Sayu)
  • Clingy Boy Sticking for 15 Years (Sai)
  • Secret (Sayu or Yufu, I haven't decided yet)
  • Can't I Even Dream (Sayu or Yufu, again, I haven't decided). 
  • White Vow (Sayu or Yufu... I'm so bad at deciding...)
And I want to make:
  • Magnet (Yurika Sai and Sayu)
  • Acute (Yurika Sai, Sayu, Sekka Yufu)
  • Leia (Piano version) (Yufu or Sayu)
  • Judgement of Corruption (Yurika Sai)
There's more than that but I can't think of any more right now...