I'm at home, and I guess this post is a bit overdue, but, who will notice?
I'm finally back from the hospital!
The psychiatric unit - to be specific.
Why the title? I'LL EXPLAIN LATER IN HERE.
I am a depressed person, I hate large crowds and I'm prone to panic attacks. But since I became suicidal, my psychiatrist said I have to go to the hospital (the first time I stepped foot into that mental health clinic I had a feeling I would be getting sent to the hospital), so my 2nd appoint was only about 10 minutes. My mom rushed me to the ER. This happened last Thursday. I got to the ER around 4... I stayed in the 'observation room' for 6 hours. This is what the observation room looks like (yay, actual picture). The pile on the couch is made of towel-like blankets. Because some people can be stuck in that room for up to 2 days.When I was in that room, they took my blood/vitals, asked me questions, etc. And only one other person would be able to be in the room with me. So, my mom had to switch out with my dad and my dad had to switch with my grandma and my grandma had to switch with my grandpa and so on. They even gave me dinner while I was in the room - chicken with a bunch of other sides. Like chicken soup. The chicken soup was just broth. Why. The chicken was good though. I liked when my mom was in the room the best because I got to play with her Kindle, heheh.
Finally, at 11 PM, I was allowed up to the unit. Why it took so long, I do not know. I was fine that night, I took my medicine and everything. I went to sleep fine.
That first day, though.
Oh my god that first day.
Let me say this first: It's very hard for me to say what happened on what day because the days were so long and cyclic.
I remember the first day though.
I ate breakfast, thinking it wasn't so bad. Some kid was singing "I wanna go home" and I was eating a kaiser roll. it wasn't bad.
And then school.
There's school there for 3 hours to make up for the school days they miss.
I remember them playing the most boring movie EVER (but that was it. No learning from some tutor).
It was about like woman's baseball team or something.
We were watching it in the lounge - the place where everyone spent 90% of their time
It drove me insane.
I sat at the the chair farthest from everyone, my legs against my chest and I tried turning myself into a ball or something. I was crying and trying to sleep because my medicine makes me tired.
My first 3 days were rough. But the most memorable moment from it is the Sorry! game that gone wrong.
In the group of kids (me + 7 other people), there was one that was very very outspoken. He had been in the hospital and because of that he was fed up with the staff and just wanted to go home. Anyway, on the schedule it said "Free-Time". There had actually been a change of plans and it was changed to "Quiet Hour" (staying in your room while there's some meeting in the lounge) without prior notice. So me, him, and 2 other people were playing Sorry! which we played a lot, it was very fun. Anyway, the nurse walks in and tells us it's quiet hour. The kid gets mad. He says it's Free-Time, and we should have the right to be in the lounge. The nurse says no. So he picks up the board game and tells all of us to go to the end of the hall. We do, we start playing the game, not bothering anyone. Then we overhear the nurses talking about security. One of the girls is like "omg they're calling security" and the dude was like "just chill". Eventually, this scary looking guido guy walks up to us and start yelling at everyone to get in their rooms. He then yells at the outspoken kid to stay, he wants to talk to him. I don't go to my room. I stay there frozen, crying and having a panic attack. Each time he said "go to your room!" He'd get angrier and angrier, and I just stood there. I eventually went to the front desk to get an Ativan to calm me down.
On Monday, 3 people left. This included the outspoken dude and the girl who arrived the same day as me.
I liked that so many people left. Because it was only me and 3 other people.
I was calm and used to the hospital by then. I played Mario Kart Wii with another patient, and we also played lots of games. 2 new girls came, and I talked to them too even though I'm usually a hateful person. It was strange, before the hospital I was a bottle of hate, depression, anxiety, and antisocialness. But at the hospital I was talking, laughing, with new people. I hugged the nice nurse who called me and another patient her 'baby-girls'. I was so happy that one of the kids there compared me to 'Bubbles' from The Power-Puff Girls. To cut this story short, I left on Thursday.